Stupid B
by Yin Niy
Summary: Beyond protested as L secured the ropes. "L! You weren't supposed to escape my clutches! I haven't had my way with you yet!" The detective whapped Beyond upside the head, "B…I'm really in no mood for your shit right now." Twoshot. BxL LxB


**Real summary should be: Beyond is acting out again so L puts him in his place. **

**Warning: Beyond's streak of dominance is broken, a parody of the usual BxL pairing, not for readers who can't handle situations that involve Beyond, smut between two guys.**

**Spoilers: Shhhh.**

**Rating: M for Mature, B for Beyond, R for Ryuzaki, and Y for Yaoi.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

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><p>Beyond had done it! After he easily (easily because he's a genius, and genius's don't have to explain how they carried out their genius plans in any genius way) broke in to L's high security building, took out Wammy while he was cleaning his sniper in front of a mirror, and captured <span>The L<span> (whom was trained in many different fighting styles), with a chloroform soaked cloth, even though those can take up to two minutes to really take effect, he captured L with no trouble! This was almost as easy as breaking out of that high security prison that was monitored 24/7 by top notch guards! Why was he able to do it? Because he was an insane genius!

He had L all tied up in an abandoned building in downtown, even though those were usually torn down to make more space, or it was renovated so it could be useful again, but this was a special abandoned building that was left there for anyone to use to carry out their dastardly deeds. Beyond had chased everyone away all the other people, likely hobos, who were living here before with his red contact lenses that he kept in his eyes and splattered strawberry jam all over himself, and everyone else thought it was blood. Stupid people. Everyone in the world was stupid except for the cool characters of the series and Mary-sue's.

Beyond had the radio on and was attempting to sing along to a few songs in a creepy voice, but he just ended up sounding like a crow choking on plastic. When he heard his kidnapped victim start to stir awake, because you can always hear people wake up from across the room, Beyond turned off the radio and crouched down to L's eye level. Oh, and of course he tied L up for good measures. Beyond was sure that L wasn't a magician, so there was no way for him to escape these ropes, especially when a chair was involved.

L's head lolled around as he blinked his eyes open slowly, "What the…" he groaned, attempting to raise his hand to his head, but failing because he was tied to a chair.

"Hello hello hello, L L L." Beyond greeted cheerfully. L squinted his eyes as he got adjusted to the room's extremely dim lighting. When L got a good look at Beyond, he sighed in a way a mother would when a child drew all over the walls for the fifth time in one day.

"What is it, Beyond?"

"What?" He mimicked, obviously attempting to make his voice monotonous to match L's own naturally tired voice. It was a bad imitation.

L's facial featured did not change from a tired and annoyed mother, "What do you want?"

Beyond giggled, "You can beg for mercy all you want L, you won't stop me. I will become you!" He then burst out in to a fit of cheap laughter, such as 'zozozozozo' and 'kakakakakaka'. L really wanted to face-palm himself, but alas, he was expertly tied up.

Beyond had this whole plan perfectly planned out in his perfect mind. He would keep L here, scare him once in a while, maybe have his way with him, then Beyond would be guilty for taking advantage of him, then L would forgive him. L would have Stockholm, and they would both live happily. The amazing, love of his life, L would never know what hit him!

L had a good idea as to what Beyond was planning. He didn't know the steps exactly, but he knew it was something along the lines of 'Blah blah blah-**abuse L**-something something-**say sorry**-yadda yadda-**hope L gets Stockholm**-talk talk-**happily ever after**.'

Beyond, not really used to torturing his victims with intents of keeping them alive, awkwardly reached out and pulled on L's hair. "That hurt, didn't it?" he asked with a Cheshire grin, because Cheshire grins and Beyond Birthday are a package deal.

L almost felt bad for the scarred boy. That was barely a tug, and reminded L of when Beyond would pull at his shirt for attention back at Wammy's house. If anything, all it did was pull his head forwards. He decided to humour him for a little while, "Yes that really hurt. Please, could you show a little bit of mercy on me and get me some water to drink?" he asked tiredly, and anyone who may have been listening would hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "I'm very parched after this harsh, torturous treatment."

B grinned happily. Maybe he wouldn't have to go through the painful '_this hurts me more than it hurts you'_ phase! They could skip right to the forgiving part! He nodded and skipped merrily off to the kitchen.

The eccentric detective immediately began to twist his body around when the burned up Wammy left the room. L would feel more pity for the boy, but he was so desperate for attention. Moments after B started running the water, L was free from the ropes. He looked around the room a little more closely, and found a new set of kitchen knives that were VERY recently taken out of the box. Beyond had probably bought them the day before and was hoping to use them to scare L. He sighed as he found the table where they had all been set, a few of them rusty. Hmm, B was probably trying to make it look like he had these knives for a while, even thought they were obviously left out in the damp weather last night. The rust was fairly new, and only hinting at the edges. The blade was still shiny and fairly pointed.

Stupid B.

**-0**

"Beyond was happily leaping in to the room with a cool glass of water he was able to get from an abandoned building, which usually had no running water, but Beyond was so crazily genius, he was able to make the running water work again.

"When he took the first step in to the room that held L, he noticed L wasn't in his chair. When Beyond took his second, hesitant, step, he was tackled to the GROund! H-he began to… fighting back, but realized he was… fighting his hero figure?! Oh no! If L was free, then that meant Beyond would go back to the prison, or even worse, the mental asylum that made Arhkam Asylum seem like a playground! L was now s-straddling Beyond as the man underneath fought to k-keep his blush from showing-"

L narrowed his eyes, "Really, Beyond. Quit narrating everything you do." L said with annoyance as he was finally able to face-palm himself. Hooray for freedom.

"Apparently L had some sort of mind reading power." Beyond continued with a troubled expression, "Is this how he gains his intelligence? I wonder to myself. I'm definitely going to have to watch what I think around him, or he might find out my plans. Maybe he already knew them and he was waiting for the right moment to tell me his own true feelings-"

L grumbled in annoyance and pulled a random piece of cloth that always seems to be there in sexual situations, and stuffed it into B's mouth. Now Beyond could've spat it out, but it was a fanfiction where you don't need something to keep the gag in the mouth.**  
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"Beyond, I can practically hear you saying something about a sexual situation and how you want to be gagged."

"Ahharemfly Eh am mahk uhp wohzs oh hiz liging-"

L repeated what he interpreted from Beyond's stupid banter, "-Apparently L can make up words to his liking, and he likes bonda-", he stopped and shoved the piece of cloth further in to the man's mouth, making him actually gag. L went with the smart person way and cut off small piece of rope with the knife to tie around Beyond's head to keep the gag in place. After Beyond did little 'uh huh hoh ha eh ahm hef' narrating, L tied him to the chair he was recently resided in. The eccentric, free, detective then looked around and found his phone conveniently hidden in the shadows of the corner.

He left the tied man to the chair in favor of the phone. After L dialed his caretaker, Watari, he waited for the elderly man to pick up. It took no more than half a ring.

"L? Is everything alright?" he asked frantically.

"Yes, everything is fine." He replied. "I seem to be in an abandoned building in downtown Kyoto." He peeked down the window and was able to locate where he was exactly, then relayed it to his caretaker.

Wammy hastily said, "I'm on my way-"

"-No, I think I'll stay here until morning." He interrupted. L looked back to the serial killer on the other side of the room, he seemed to be watching L with a very intense gaze. Ugh, L could see his jaw opening and closing, meaning he was still narrating to himself or trying to chew his way past the cloth. Both were bad in L's eyes.

The elderly man stuttered with worry. "P-pardon?"

L quickly turned his attention out the window and replied. "Yes. I'll call you if I wished to be picked up sooner. Oh, and tell someone that I found Beyond Birthday and will be in my care for the time being." He has nearly certain that someone had noticed. It wouldn't be like Beyond to just sneak away with the shadows. He probably had to make a big show of it and dance out of the prison while shouting to the police officers about how they can't dance as well as he could.

"Wait? What?! L-"

And with that, L flipped the phone closed and stuffed it into his pocket, ignoring the frantic elder. Watari knew to listen, and he made it clear that he, L, was under control of the situation.

"-ah eh hem roosh uh huhf…" Beyond dialogued to himself with the cloth stuffed nicely in to his mouth, a little bit of drool trailing out. L simply stared at the attention seeking man with an apathetic look.

"Beyond." L said calmly, but with some hinting sadism in there. Beyond kept his attention fully on the man that was beginning to partially loom above him, and smiled despite the cloth in his mouth. "Beyond," L repeated as he pointed to his mouth, "I'll take that cloth out if you agree not to narrate."

Beyond's eyes lit up and he nodded with enthusiasm. He would do anything to get this thing out. Don't get him wrong, he was all for bondage, but just not on him. If L were all tied up, gagged, writhing, and moaning, then that would be a whole other deal! But alas, Beyond didn't know how L got out. While L was untying the rope that held the gag in place, which was tied behind his head, by the way, Beyond went to trying to escape the rope the same way L did. He tried rolling his shoulders, squirming, and a little bit of tensing then un-tensing his body. None of these worked, and L yanked him by the hair when he was done taking the cloth out. Beyond gasped a few needed breaths of oxygen as his ex-victim glared at him.

Beyond smiled innocently and showed his teeth with a wider grin when L made no movement. Beyond opened his mouth to talk, but L clasped his hand over it before any words were able to form.

"Beyond, before you say anything," Beyond tilted his head with wide contact-red eyes, "I need you to tell me what you planned on doing with me." L, of course, already knew what the copy was planning, but he needed to hear it from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

He gently removed his hand and continued starring at the other with a level gaze, watching Beyond try to think of a legible way to word his plan. The distraught was clearly seen in his flickering pupils that refused to stay still, and L really didn't have time for this.

L took a handful of Beyond's hair and twisted the man's head to meet him in the eye, their faces merely a couple of inches away from touching. Beyond, for the first time in a while, began looking worried. L relished in this fact with a slight smirk.

"Beyond Birthday." He nearly hissed. Beyond kept his gaze at his mentor, the two keeping eye contact with each other for maybe a minute until L placed his index on one of Beyond's shaven eyebrow and the other under his heavily placed eyeliner. "Why do you wear these contacts all the time?" he asked in a softer tone, leaning down closer to get a better look at the red contacts, removing his hand to the burned man could answer.

Beyond scrunched his eyebrows together, wondering if he should tell L his deepest and darkest secret that he's never told anyone ever before. L did ask though, and who would he be to deny his mentor?

Beyond inhaled, "Well, it all started in the late sixteenth hundreds, or was it the early sixteenth century? Either way, my ancestors made a deal with the devil, so to speak, or a demon. We are in Japan, so shinigami. Or evil spirits, take your pick. But if I were you, I would pick 'demon' because it's such a popular term with youth nowadays-"

L had clamped his hand over Beyond's mouth once more. '_He's always running that mouth of his every chance he gets_, he thought to himself with annoyance. "I don't want to hear about your fairy tales, I want to know why you wear red contacts. But if you're so concerned with what's popular with today's youth, then I guess I have my answer." Youth had recently been getting in to the fad of dark things, such as demons and red eyes. They found them cool, and showed off the fact that they were in to dark things every chance they got. Hn, people really shouldn't wear nametags… He mused as he traced some of the burn scars that covered Beyonds face with his thumb. When Beyond had tried to burn himself alive, he was miraculously saved by L's agent. But a story for another time, maybe Mello or Naomi will document the story one day for others to read.

L was snapped from his thoughts when his thumb trailed too close to B's mouth, then said man began sucking it and wiped his tongue over the appendage and under the nail. L watched with wide eyed curiosity as Beyond leaned his head forward with hopes of getting other fingers to lick and suck. L, once more taking some form of pity, placed his index and middle finger together in front of the killer's mouth. The attempted doppelganger happily did this while watching L with hooded eyes and a slight smirk on his face as he rotated his tongue around each index and sucked at random times and places.

L refused to admit he hardened at the sight. He pulled his hand back before it could get any more out of control. The tied up criminal whined when the hand was pulled away, and the other hand yanked his hair so L could push their faces closer together.

"Stupid B," He whispered ever so huskily on to the man's lips before thrusting his head forward, smashing his lips with Beyond's.

**TBC**

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><p><strong>Deleted scene:<strong>

L remembered telling Beyond's story to Mello, the young blonde had been so eager to listen to L after he introduced himself. After hearing about Mello's personality and constant outbursts, he decided to tell him the story of someone similar, and how terrible he had turned out. "-and when Beyond woke up that morning, he began cackling. He remembered when he attacked Naomi as he combed his hair. His laughter ranged from 'zozozozo' and 'hohoho' but he then laughed for real when he thought about-" he paused when Mello raised his hand.

Mello pulled his arm back to cross it with his other arm, "Yeah… question." L made a noise for him to go on. "How do you know about the parts you or Naomi weren't there for?" he asked skeptically.

"…"

"…"

L pushed Mello off his lap, "Story time is over, look up the rest online." and shuffled out the room.

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><p><strong>An: Yes, I too thought of Dragon Ball Z Abridged when writing this scene.**

**Remember we heard the story from Mello, who heard it from L, who heard it from Naomi. Stories get messed up after it goes through a certain amount of people. Not to mention the typos, making me doubt it was actually Mello who wrote it. And if it was actually Mello, well I guess we now know why he was second. He failed those spelling tests.**


End file.
